


a man takes his sadness and throws it away

by choppersupportsgirls (earlieststar)



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Issues, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Letters, M/M, Sanji Going Through It, Sanji Is Not A Vinsmoke, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Whole Cake Island Arc, be warned that this does start out already pretty heavy, prompt: love letters, yall know how it is with sanji and wci
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:13:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29690016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlieststar/pseuds/choppersupportsgirls
Summary: The pages are bent and crumpled where he cried over it, scratched words off with too much force and too much ink, roughed it up while writing down. It's a messy bunch of paper that doesn't hold together well and some of the handwriting is almost illegible. Cosette cradles the letters in her arms, tucks them on her apron away from view and holds the bundle like it's something sacred and fragile. She keeps it and keeps it safe, because it's the least she can do.Alone in Whole Cake Island, Sanji writes home.
Relationships: Aka Ashi no Zeff | Red-Leg Zeff & Vinsmoke Sanji, Monkey D. Luffy/Vinsmoke Sanji, Vinsmoke Sanji & Vinsmoke Sora
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34
Collections: One Piece Bingo 2020/2021





	a man takes his sadness and throws it away

**Author's Note:**

> ... but then he's still left with his hands.  
> \- richard siken, "boot theory"
> 
> here i am back with more sanji angst. i STILL havent watched whole cake island so, as always, if this doesnt make sense within the plot just consider it canon divergence :) i also just sat down wrote it and posted it no looking back so yk :)  
> it's just a bunch of letters one after the other and you can just imagine sanji crying over them like. almost the entire time through. and are they any good? i dont know, but i sure Finished something.  
> this is for the One Piece Bingo 2020, filling the prompt Love Letters (who said Love has to be romantic!!!! certainly not me!!!!!!)

_Old Man,_

You’d hate me for this, but it’s not the first time I disappointed you, is it? You wouldn’t want this for me, and I never wanted you to scold and kick me so much in my life. ~~You never really hurt me but they do and it hurts so much I forgot how much it hurt~~ What would you do in my place? ~~What should I do now~~ You'd probably take the same choice I did, I think, which just makes it all the worse. You saved me back in the Rock and ~~you shouldn’t have~~ , and now I’m gonna die here for you and for them. Are my debts paid then? Can I suffer through the rest of this knowing that I did my best? It doesn’t fucking feel like it.

Not like you’ll ever read this anyway, so fuck it: what were you even thinking? What did you want for me? What did you intend for that shitty kid you didn’t let drown and then didn’t let starve to become? You knew nothing about me and you did all that shit and what did you even fucking get? Was a bad picture in a wanted poster for someone who was almost a good cook and barely a good pirate worth it? ~~Was I worth it?~~

I don’t know if I could do it again, I don’t know if I can do this again if I have to choose again, old man. I was always weak like this, but I’m trying. ~~You have to know I’m trying, Dad, I’m trying so hard, because all of you are worth it for me and I have nothing else but this stupid piece of paper that isn’t worth anything and no one will ever read I’m so tired~~

You’d love Whole Cake Island. Every building is food and no one is hungry and the sea is right there everywhere you look. The pastries are expertly made and they have beautiful techniques - the taffy is of an incredible texture. All of you shitty cooks at the Baratie have never been that interested in patisserie, and I’m sure you’d all have a blast here. In other circumstances, I would even invite you to my fucking wedding. Then at least someone would be enjoying it ~~. Will you ever forgive me for throwing my life away like this? I’m doing this for you too, and for Luffy and the crew and everyone I can’t let Judge hurt and I hate this as much as you so please~~

All of this to say that I know you’d be fucking pissed at me and would yell that I’m stupid and wasting my fucking time and all the skills you passed onto me, so if we ever see each other again you don’t need to scream it at me. I hope the Baratie is okay and doing fine, even with such a mess of jerks working in it. Tell Patty and Carne that they’re assholes.

Thank you for everything, Red Leg Zeff. ~~I lov~~

Kind regards,

_~~your little eggplant~~ Sanji_

* * *

_Mom,_

I haven’t written to you in years, or at least not actually tried to put words on paper, but this seems like as good a time as any. Here is still the same as ever, it’s like I never even left. Everyone is taller and most of the staff and soldiers have changed, of course, but none of them changed much. I’m not sure if this is good or bad and I’m trying not to think too hard about it, but I thought you’d like to know about them, even if just a bit. ~~Reiju looks so much like you it’s hard to look at her sometimes but you never had eyes that cold~~

~~I think she hates herself for that too~~

Everything’s as well as it can possibly be, considering. I’m getting married off to a kind, beautiful, lovely girl, which is a better fate than either of us probably considered for me. Hopefully becoming a Charlotte can atone for my flaws and take me away from the Vinsmokes once and for all. Deep inside, I think I knew I was running on borrowed time before, with Old Man Zeff and the Strawhats, but maybe this is a blessing in disguise. ~~It’s not it’s not it’s not I know it isn’t Mom I want to go back to them but I can’t~~

Oh. I haven’t properly told you about any of them, have I? The old man took me in after I ran away. He’s a cook, a good one at that. He’s loud and brash and kind of an asshole, but he was good to me. I like him, and I think you’d like him too.

You’d love Luffy. You’d love all the Strawhats, and they would love you too. They are pirates, but really good people. I ~~am~~ was a pirate too - their cook. Luffy is going to become the Pirate King, and he can’t stand still if it would save his life, and he kept me pretty busy in the kitchen with his bottomless stomach, but I loved cooking for him. Nami is the most incredible navigator in the world, and she’s going to map out the entire world one day. She likes tangerines the same way you liked peaches. Robin loves history and spends long hours at the library on ~~our ship~~ Sunny, lovely and kind. They are the beauty and joy of my life on the sea! There’s also Chopper, our genius little doctor, and Usopp, our sharpshooter. Franky is our shipwright and built Sunny, and Brook is a musician (and a skeleton, and famous not only as an outlaw - it’s a long story that I might tell you later). Zoro is annoying and only thinks of swords, but the crew wouldn’t be the same without him. ~~I’m glad Luffy has him by his side now and that there’s still someone to protect the crew~~

I sailed with them and lived with them and cooked for them. I think you’d love them just because I do, but I can’t be sure. Not that it matters much now, but it’s still a comforting thought.

You always saw the best in me, so I like to believe you’d understand why I hurt them the way I did and why I’m back here. I miss you so much, and everything nowadays seems to remind me of you. ~~It hurts I’m sorry~~

Either way, I wanted to write to assure you that I’m gonna be a good husband for Pudding. I may not ever reach my dreams, like you told me to, but I can always do my best with what I got, right?

Honestly, Mom, I’m not sure about any of this. I made this choice, but I don’t know if it was the right one. I hope it is. They deserve better, they all do, and if this is the price I have to pay for their lives, for their happiness, it doesn’t seem like much. Just waiting here beaten up and alone until I get declared a husband to someone seems like not enough. How did you do it, back then? How were you sure about choosing us above yourself?

All I can do is wait, but you waited before, so it seems fair. It’s a small thought to hold onto, but it’s keeping me alive. You’re keeping me alive, even now. ~~I barely survived this without you once,~~

The old man has this restaurant - it’s a floating one, on a boat, called the Baratie. It’s a good restaurant, down in East Blue. He wanted to find the All Blue, just like I did, and he wanted me to go with Luffy so I could have a chance to make this dream come true. It’s fine, because I know they will find it for me, with another cook by their side, and Nami will map it out so others can see it too, and they will all love it for me. They will keep my dream safe, even after I betrayed them, even after I left. Like I told you, good people.

I wish you were with me, but not even your grave is here.

I love you,

_Sanji_

* * *

_Old Man,_

I don’t know who else to write about this, but I think you’d understand. They eat together. All of them, most days. They all sit around a table and have their meals in numbered chairs and silence or cursing each other when Judge’s not paying attention. They left a chair out for me.

It’s absurd. I could barely pay attention to the food, even though the cooks here seem skilled. They are violent and disrespectful and the formality of it all hurts more than the beatings. I’d rather eat the rest of my life on my feet with my back hurting, barely able to hold my plate from being so tired, just like we did the first few weeks building the Baratie. Do you remember that time?

Somehow this is the thing that angers me the most. All else I knew was coming, but dinner is the last straw. I feel ridiculous and I feel insane, but it’s just so… Cruel. Meals are should be about love and all that sentimental bullshit that we both pretend we don’t believe. Food is about life, but there’s only death here.

~~I feel more dead in an island made of fucking food and with a place saved for me at the table every night than I ever did by your side. How fucking ironic is that?~~

When I was younger and imagined my wedding, I always dreamed of happiness and a beautiful ceremony, that would have someone I loved at the altar. You were always there, probably catering for the entire thing because you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself from it, would you, shitty geezer? I’m too tired to be skeptic and contrary right now. You were right about the smoking, by the way, I should have never started it and my throat is raw from the past few days already. I’m trying to get used to it. All of it.

I hope you’re eating well,

_Sanji_

* * *

luffy i hate you so much youre so stupid why would you do something like that why couldnt you let me go and do this for all of you why did you have to bring nami and chopper and brook here why why why

it hurts so bad without you i was barely making it and then you come to taunt me and ruin all that ive done and i cant deny you you know i cant why would you be that cruel why would you say that why would you wait for me

i cant have your blood in my hands i dont want it luffy i cant let you die you know i cant let you die this was the entire point from the start

even if it kills me even if it ruins even if the crew hates me i could never let you die and youre doing this on purpose and i hate you for that youre so fucking stupid coming here and letting me kick and saying all that shit and trying to save me still when did i ever deserve any of it luffy

* * *

_Mom,_

He ate it even after it fell down, and caught rain, and was stepped on and ruined. He ate it and said it was the best thing he had ever eaten, because I was the one who made it for him. He smiled at me, and it felt like hope. I was so lost, Mom, and so tired. I left all of them and hit my captain and I didn’t trust them when it mattered, but he still ate my food.

Even after everything, I told him I didn’t want them to die. Luffy knew it before even I did. Everything hurts, but I’m not alone.

Good people, who will keep me safe. You’d love them. They chose me, just like you did, and I’ll never forget it again. I wanna be their cook for the rest of my life, Mom, and they might just let me.

Luffy waited for me, like an idiot, in the rain, hungry, ready to die if I did not show up. Can you believe it? I love him. I’m afraid you’d hate me for it, but I do, and I don’t wanna lie to you or about it at all. They are taking me back home, anyways. I wanna write to you from the Sunny, too, I promise I’ll be better at it this time, and tell you all about my family.

I get it now, how you got through it, how you endured it all. Facing my crew again is going to be difficult and hurtful and I have a lot to atone. It’s going to take time and might never fully happen, but I can wait.

I can’t write for long, because we have to crash my wedding, but I thought that if I could write to you on the worst days of it, I could spare a moment to share something good. I’m putting a peach meringue on one of the layers of the cake.

I love you,

_Sanji_

* * *

Luffy, I will follow you to Wano and then Laugh Tale and Hell and back. I will feed and provide for you and the crew for as long as you all will let me and I’ll never do something as stupid as trying to marry someone else or leaving again. I will keep complaining every time you ask me for extra snacks in-between meals, but I’ll cook them for you anyways. I don’t wanna find the All Blue if it’s not aboard Sunny, with all of you.

But I promise that if you ever try to pull that kind of bullshit again, you will forcefully become a vegetarian.

I love you too,

_your cook._

* * *

_Old Man,_

You’re never gonna bake a better wedding cake than I do. But next time I’m about to get married, show up and try anyways.

Don’t catch a fucking cold out there in East Blue,

_Little eggplant_

**Author's Note:**

> what are the logistics of how sanji wrote these letters and they ended up with cosette? who know. i sure don't. i just think it's neat *presents fic to the fandom like marge simpson does a potato*  
> if sanjis last letter to luffy sounds vaguely like wedding vows be sure that its intended  
> even tho this fic is sad i hope you whos reading this has a very good day!!!!!


End file.
